Night and day

ALWAYS looking for trouble!!!
My little ballerina

Olivia and Jillian are completely different, and lately its been really amazing me. I figured they would be opposites in some ways, but they are like night and day. Jillian has always been so verbal and a people pleaser. She is definitely not a loner. Olivia is like miss independent, up to mischievous, little miss attitude. When she gets mad, even jillian flinches!! Maybe its little person complex, ha ha. All i know is Jillian never threw things in the toilet, rubbed a poopy diaper all over the floor and wall (don't ask, disgusting story) or ate dog food. Jillian was always so good, i really never appreciated it. Now, her sassiness is in full affect, so i'm hoping Olivia being a handful now will mean less attitude in a couple years?!?

Tonite we had J's first ballet class, it was so fun!! Completely unlike gymnastics last year. what a difference a year makes. A couple kids were cryin and not listening, not my little ballerina, listening and so happy and excited. But oh my god is she a giant. The class is 3 to 4 yrs olds, and 1 other girl is her height and her mom said she turns 4 tomorrow. the others are like a head shorter. I wonder if she will be really tall, or just had her growth spurt early? I brought a magazine and didn't even open it, watching her was so cute!! Definately gets more and more fun the older she is getting!

Toys will be the death of me. i'm sure of it.

I was kinda glad friday when i saw cool and rainy for the weekend weather. When its nice out i just feel obligated to go to the park, do yard work ect... which is great, except when u feel lazy!! So today i tackled the toys. I honestly think the hardest part of child rearing is the pictures, clothes and toys. I have spent hundreds of hours going through clothes, packing up small ones, unpacking new ones. Pictures, oh pictures. everyone wants pictures, digital is great, but i feel bad just printing them all, so going through one by one every month and picking good ones, it makes me cross eyed. But the toys, the toys are my biggest enemy. With 2 kids, they have quadruped i think. And Jillian is a hoarder, of course since i throw everything away, i have the hoarder kid. She saves junk mail. Like furrows it away. Today i threw 2 garbage bags away of barbies with out heads, broken toys, junk and more junk. And u can't believe the money i found, jillian gets if from everyone, like 20 $1 bills, and change everywhere!! For xmas im seriously only getting educational toys and clothes. all the little toys, they play with for like 10 seconds, its a waste.

So, its been almost a whole month of home cooked dinners!! Im really enjoying cooking, i always have, but now i am in a groove, and i'm whippin' out dinners left and right, ha ha. Last nite i made the olive garden salad, it tasted just like it!

Looking forward to this weekend when Mr. Carson comes to visit!!!! Can't wait to see him and olivia together! too cute!

Mommy's little "helper"

Ready for ballet class...................

which is on thursday ha ha!! Hoping ALOT has changed from last year and she listens a little better, gymnastics class was "challenging"!!!

15 days and counting....

Things have changed around here, not big changes, little ones that hopefully will all add up to a healthy daddy and family. I never thought we ate bad, i mean i make dinner sun- thurs, but after meeting the dietitian in the hospital over 2 weeks ago, i realized our "binge weekend" eating out was literally going to be the death of us. Not like we didn't say it, after every weekend, we'd say, ugh, eating out all weekend is gross, and expensive, but it is so freaking easy. Especially after a long week. But, ryan and i both want our kids to grow up like we did, when eating out is a treat, not a fri/sat regular thing. So, nothing like a little life altering event to spur ya into action!! Today marks our 15th homemade dinner!! whoot whoot! and i feel great! I really owe it all to my new best friend Jamie Oliver and his awesome cookbook, "Jamie's food revolution". His recipes are all simple, fast, real food. Like my favorite food ever, french fries, instead of opening the bag of ore ida (ever look on the back of em, what is in there??) or going to culvers, now i matchstix some potatoes, little olive oil, and roast them, Delicious!!! and the true test, the kids ate them up!! I feel less like crap monday morning too. And salads, all that bull crap i always read in magazines, "eat a salad before a meal, eat less", yup, its true.

My best work buddy I are walking on lunch now, we are up to 2 miles a day this week! So all i can say is watch out Jamaica, some hot stuff is gonna be coming your way!!! ha ha!!

But, most of all, I would love to keep losing weight, but most important is we are all healthy. And we teach the girls to be active and eat good. God knows their genetics are not in their favor!!!

My little bunnies...

Egg Huntin'

Happy with her bounty

Jillian and one of her Mama's

Ready to "catch" some eggs

Found her basket!

Easter bunny spoiled them this year

God, can you hear me, its Heidi?

Over the past 3 1/2 yrs i have definitely lost faith in God. Too many losses, too much pain. Did I do something to deserve it all, a question I asked myself many times. I even questioned getting both girls baptized, whats the point, God hasn't protected me, my loved ones. Lately Ryan and I have been so sick of work, and the day to day monotony, the feeling like you are stuck in hamster wheel, and one day will wake up, and it will all be over and all you will have is regrets. Now don't get me wrong, I am profoundly grateful I have 2 beautiful daughters, a wonderful husband and jobs that still here. But, we always have that feeling, that something is missing, we lost out on things, the way our lives should have been. And then yesterday happened. And everything changed. In 45 mins time I went from laughing at work on "culling day", to sobbing while a cardiologist told me my 33 yr old husband was having a heart attack. For the next 2 hrs i sat and waited. and prayed. to a God I wasn't even sure existed. Or if he did, he didn't care about me. As the time passed, I started assuming the worst, I started thinking I how I would live without Ryan, how would I be a mom and a dad, how could this be happening. I am evil apparently. Finally, the doctor walked toward me, Ryan was recovering, a long road is ahead, but we can follow it together. So God, I'm sorry, I know you exist, and you love me, and my family, i can't get a clearer sign. Maybe you could say it was luck, that Ryan was in that nursing home, on that day, with that nurse, that he didn't just go home, and fall asleep. But not me. God can't save everyone, but I'm forever grateful he saved the person I'm pretty sure i couldn't live without.